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harmfuljays
King of Men
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 1273
Location: Djibouti
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 Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:03 pm Post subject: Dear Urinal Farter |
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Another open letter to the Sales guy that just shit his pants at the urinal next to me.
I see that you are very proud of your natural ability to push and shake that fart out at the urinal next to me.
It has obviously given you great pleasure with the accompanying AHHHHHHHH.
Did you not see that I was a mere 38 inches away washing my hands? If you did you didn't care and maybe even thought it was amusing.
Did you enjoy my Good Lord comment as I quickly moved 3 sinks away from you to dodge your shit particles?
I understand passing gas is a natural byproduct of digestion but your concentious effort to engage me in some barbaric ritual fart game has me confused. I'd like to imagine that we have all moved beyond the 2nd grade and perhaps become more civilized. But yet there you are urinal farter to remind me that civility is only a charade.
I hope you washed your hands.
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-UP THE IRONS! |
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Bosc Ulrich II
OTP Resident Historian
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 3222
Location: Sweetest lid in the league
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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 Dude you need a vacation day tomorrow and some violent video games!
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Bring back the old OTP!
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Hounsy
Reigning King of One-Liners
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 1247
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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Good for him!
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It's not you Sundin, it's me...please just leave...and don't look back....please please do not look back. |
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US679 Part Deux
An improvement over the US678 prototype
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 529
Location: Milton, Ontario
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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Fuck, I'm still laughing
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Alabama Man
Now with 30% more rage!
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 649
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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I always got a kick out of the type person that would walk up the urinal & lean forward with a hand or forearm across the wall going ... uhhhh .... UGGGGGHHHHh ......
In a perfect world, you would have still been doing your business right next to the urinal-farter & could have casually pee'd on his shoe 
Public restrooms can be friggin' outright annoying! You ever get pee spatters on your toes when wearing sandles during the Summer?
Or how about the drunk dude that wanders on up the urinal next you & starts trying to carry on a conversation ... I've always wanted to make a 90 degree turn, while still peeing, and come face to face w/ the dude & continue the conversation ....
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My anger is a gift! |
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harmfuljays
King of Men
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 1273
Location: Djibouti
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Alabama Man wrote: |
| I always got a kick out of the type person that would walk up the urinal & lean forward with a hand or forearm across the wall going ... uhhhh .... UGGGGGHHHHh ...... |
That....my friend is called Kidney Stones..... 
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-UP THE IRONS! |
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Stinky
Woman of Color of the Post
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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I never wash my hands.
and
You're welcome.
I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as i did...
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The crowd once again showed its IQ level when it shouted ``U-S-A, U-S-A,'' during the fight. Their hero, Downie, is from Newmarket, Ont. |
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Alabama Man
Now with 30% more rage!
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 649
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Stinky wrote: |
I never wash my hands.
and
You're welcome.
I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as i did... |
Yeah? Well I wash my hands before I pee!
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My anger is a gift! |
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Stinky
Woman of Color of the Post
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Alabama Man wrote: |
| Stinky wrote: |
I never wash my hands.
and
You're welcome.
I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as i did... |
Yeah? Well I wash my hands before I pee!
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EXACTLY!
My dink is cleaner than anything I touch when I'm out and about. My piss is cleaner too. I try not to touch anything in public washrooms otherwise you end up with someone else's piss on your hands.
_________________
The crowd once again showed its IQ level when it shouted ``U-S-A, U-S-A,'' during the fight. Their hero, Downie, is from Newmarket, Ont. |
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Hounsy
Reigning King of One-Liners
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 1247
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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Really though what is with dudes leaning up against the wall when at the urinal and hunching over?
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It's not you Sundin, it's me...please just leave...and don't look back....please please do not look back. |
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Alabama Man
Now with 30% more rage!
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 649
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know ... I had to try it myself & it went pretty well actually!
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My anger is a gift! |
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Av-merican
Un-Tenured Professor of Hockey
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 1994
Location: Denver
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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saskhab
'03-'04 Goalie Profiles Coming Soon!
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 3417
Location: Saskatoon!
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Alabama Man wrote: |
I don't know ... I had to try it myself & it went pretty well actually!
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That's the old "I held it in way too long and am so relieved I can't stand up" maneuver. At that point, you don't care what's on the walls, what part of your body might be touching the urinal that you're willing to sacrifice hygiene for comfort. This is not recommended.
Or else, you're a fucking pig.
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"Oh my God. There she is. Lovely Sally Slater. I should speak to her. But what the hell can I say? Anything that doesn't mention that I masturbate over her memory is probably a good idea."
- Mark Corrigan, Peep Show |
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Bosc Ulrich II
OTP Resident Historian
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 3222
Location: Sweetest lid in the league
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Hounsy wrote: |
| Really though what is with dudes leaning up against the wall when at the urinal and hunching over? |
Oh boy, don't do that at the JLA troughs
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Bring back the old OTP!
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RW
Distinguished Gentleman of the Post
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 346
Location: Seat 10, Row 8, Section 226B
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Bosc Ulrich II wrote: |
| Hounsy wrote: |
| Really though what is with dudes leaning up against the wall when at the urinal and hunching over? |
Oh boy, don't do that at the JLA troughs |
That's an ugly thought...
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"The greatest victory a man can win is victory over himself."
Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi |
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Stinky
Woman of Color of the Post
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Bosc Ulrich II wrote: |
| Hounsy wrote: |
| Really though what is with dudes leaning up against the wall when at the urinal and hunching over? |
Oh boy, don't do that at the JLA troughs |
ew.
Piss troughs gross me out.
_________________
The crowd once again showed its IQ level when it shouted ``U-S-A, U-S-A,'' during the fight. Their hero, Downie, is from Newmarket, Ont. |
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Av-merican
Un-Tenured Professor of Hockey
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 1994
Location: Denver
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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Ick...trough urinals. Brings to mind a mildly amusing story from way back when...
Years ago my buddy and I were at the Big Head Todd/Alanis Morrisette/Dave Matthews Band concert at the old Mile High Stadium. While we dodged various dumbass teenagers vomiting after drinking too much in the hot sun (kid you not there were about 4-5 incidents I saw alone) we made our way to get some t-shirts when Alanis came on...because, y'know, Alanis sucks.
Anyway we bought the shirts but for some reason didn't want to put them on right away, instead just slinging them over our shoulders. My friend walks into the bathroom while I wait outside and comes out some 10 minutes later, his concert shirt soaked. Apparently while at the trough urinal his shirt slipped off his shoulder and landed right in the drink, soaking up the collective piss of the 3 or 4 guys all standing there. He took it to the sink and proceeded to wash it best he could, hence why it took him so long to get the hell out of the bathroom. I think he still has the shirt somewhere in his condo... |
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E.L.3000
Big in Japan
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 1577
Location: MTL Police: stay out ma bizness
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:03 pm Post subject: |
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The bathrooms at Ralph Wilson stadium are hilariously run down.
There's a big sink near the entrance of the washroom that clearly states "DO NOT URINATE HERE, THIS SINK IS ONLY FOR WASHING HANDS." Then why on earth is the sink is knee high?
Sadly the other hand washing options weren't pretty.
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John McCain is fit as a fiddle… Is 71 the new 30?” - Fox News' Rich Lowry
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DH
Lloyd's Minster
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 371
Location: Alberta
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Ever play urinal lottery at the bar?
Toss a loonie into the urinal before you piss....check back at your next leak break (less than an hour if you're putting back some brewskis)....and odds are good that it'll be gone. |
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Alabama Man
Now with 30% more rage!
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
Posts: 649
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| Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Av-merican wrote: |
| My friend walks into the bathroom while I wait outside and comes out some 10 minutes later, his concert shirt soaked. Apparently while at the trough urinal his shirt slipped off his shoulder and landed right in the drink, soaking up the collective piss of the 3 or 4 guys all standing there.. |
Uggghhh I would have just considered that $25 lost somewhere on the street!
..... I like Alanis. Well, I have her 1st album & thouht is was really good.
| DH wrote: |
Ever play urinal lottery at the bar?
Toss a loonie into the urinal before you piss....check back at your next leak break (less than an hour if you're putting back some brewskis)....and odds are good that it'll be gone. |
Awesome! What's a loonie? $1.00? I think I have a few Susan B. Anthony dollars around ... I kind of want to try that now!
_________________
My anger is a gift! |
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